There are many a times in my past, when I confused forgiveness for being something that required something external to happen, in order to it to be given or recieved.
What I mean, is that I was under the assumption that forgiveness couldn't happen unless I had the other person there, either to be there for me to forgive, or be there to show me forgiveness. The ladder one especially.
Though as I went through and learned to heal my Mother/Father Wounds, I realized that pretty much everything I ever wanted forgiveness for, related back to when I was a kid, and either told I'd done something unforgiveable...or given the impression that things wouldn've ever be forgiven...my mom has some heavy Taurus-Gemini elements...my dad with deep Aries-Aquarius...yeah...grudges are thing...
Anyways!
There were many things throughout my life, that I allowed myself to instigate or participate in...none of which I would've participated in, had I had a healthy level of self worth that could only come from SELF-forgiveness.
And not just that, but allowing myself some "future credit".
Such as with my family, whom I've had to borrow a lot of money and resources from over my adult life, whom make it often difficult to be genuinely helpful to them now. Though I know who I am, and who I've always been - a compassion and caring person, whose not afraid to do the hard things.
And I'm the kind of daughter, who will be there for them when they need someone to help them up into their walkers, into the bath, and help them cut their ham just the way they like.
And until that day comes, I still do many things around their home, that often go either unnoticed or unmentioned - something I don't mind anymore, now that I've done my inner healing work - especially in reference to Self-Forgiveness.
Which, started by going that far back.
To as far back as the earliest time I can remember just being totally inspired - INspirit, loving what I was doing, and was told by my parents and schools, that what I was doing wasn't okay...that I needed to set aside my connection to the universe and my inner being...and start doing what they wanted...to no longer be a child of the universe...and start trying to be a tiny adult...doing what I'm told...nothing more...nothing less...
So now it's your turn!
This is your second assignment!
Go back as far as you can remember - maybe you were drawing or doodling.
Maybe you were climbing in trees or getting dirty in the mud.
Maybe you were playing music really loud, or tried to record something fun for your family and accidently deleted something cherished by your parents.
Maybe you liked to make knots with strings and tied up your living room just having fun for funs sake, and got totally raked through the coals for it (I did that one!)
Then work your way up.
Teenage years.
Early adulthood.
Middle Age
Up to your current age.
Then go beyond that. Picture yourself 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 20.
Go into the future and think about the possible ways you might absurdly beat yourself up, and forgive yourself for them now.
Go back through your memories and see how many things were not in your control - either you didn't know better, or you were under pressure others didn't understand, or you thought you were doing the right thing.
Regardless of the reason things happened, no good can come from carrying forward and baggage from the past - most of which is a collection of times you've not forgiven yourself.
So take the time now, to forgive yourself by writing out a list of things you apologize to yourself for, listing each one starting with "I'm sorry to myself for...".
Then start a second list, and start each one with "I forgive myself for...."
I suggest starting with at least 10.
Then rather than rushing things and trying to do a bunch, allow them to flow in each day.
Eventually they will wane, and you'll only occassionally find something else in your vibrational craw that you've been holding onto - and by the time you get that far, it'll be way easier to allow it to be released by simply writing it down.
Please reach out if you would like any further guidance on this assignment.
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